I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
