Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
