My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
