I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
