we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
