everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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