You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
