i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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