You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
