Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
