**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
