i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
