The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
