return my video game
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
