I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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