haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
