just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
