you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
