i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
