u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
