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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The air was thick with penises
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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