In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Randomize
