I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We need a shit load of segways right now
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
