I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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