There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
