There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
