Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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