she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
