She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
