D3 body, D1 cock
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
