The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
