Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She needs sedatives and a leash
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Randomize
