i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
