What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Houston, we have a blender
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
