Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So apparently I’m into choking now
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
