How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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