you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
