I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
