I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
