You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
