I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
