You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
