she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
