Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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