how can u be prego again
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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