Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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