you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
