i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
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