Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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