VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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