That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
