my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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