Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
