Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
