So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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